Celebrity News & Gossip

Look, we know the answer to this question is probably: “Hells to the no, Kate Spencer. He’s simply wearing a pure gold band blessed by the swamis Russell and Katy Perry meditated with next to the Ganges River during their trip to India. It symbolizes his transition from creepy sex addict to creepy monogamous dude, but it has nothing to do with marriage. You should know better, gurlfriend - he and Katy will be very publicly married to capitalize on their fame while it still exists for another two seconds and at the reception she’ll shoot herself out of a cannon to announce the news while wearing Pac Man shaped pasties and panties made from Russell’s beard.”

But we love speculation and just want to point it out and analyze it, the same way Mariah Carey’s stomach get’s overly examined for signs of a fetus every time she’s had too much Pinkberry. Russell and Katy (we’ll overlook the fact that she’s dressed like the Frederick’s of Hollywood version of  Glinda the Good Witch) went out on the town last night, and he showed off quite the man bauble. It’s gold! It’s a ring! And it’s on his left ring finger! There’s at least like a 1% chance that’s a wedding band, right guys?

[Photo: Splash News Online]

So it’s settled then? Katy Perry and Russell Brand are not married? The singer took time off from sounding off on Miley Cyrus‘ fashion choices (really, Katy, really?) to talk about her number one soundbite… her fiance. She did save Russell from various addictions (at the same time, encouraging his love for blowjobs), so she’s totally entitled to it, of course.

Apparently they’re not getting married in India, which is where Brand popped the question. Sources told Page Six that Katy and Russell are getting married in October in Maui. They claim that they’ve been talking crazy to throw people off their scent, so they’ve been making up stories about their wedding.

She revealed, “Russell makes up these really crazy stories about me and our wedding. I make up stories, too - I said he was a ‘groomzilla’. He said I farted a lot, but I’ve never farted in front of him - honestly! I hear these crazy stories - we are going to get married in latex, underwear, in Spandex, in Japan, in India, in Thailand. But I think all this craziness about my marriage is really funny.”

Sure, nice cover-up about the flatulence. She added, “And I don’t set the record straight as I love this chaotic circus of wrong information, because it is not really anyone else’s business beside the people that we have invited and us, of course.” That’s why speaking about your crazy wedding stories is your favorite pastime. That’s why you told the world that you’d like Rihanna to strip at the bachelorette. We have a suggestion then. Stop talking… at all.

[Photo: Getty Images]