Archive for Johnny Depp

Vanessa Paradis: Throw Johnny Depp Break-Up Rumors In “The Toilet”

We knew it couldn’t be true! If by “knew,” we meant “silently wept while praying.” Either way, we are pleased as punch that Johnny Depp‘s lady friend Vanessa Paradis stopped by France’s Grand Journal to shut down rumors about the couple’s eminent break-up. “Yes it’s false – of course it’s false!,” the French actress exclaimed on the show. “People say we are buying houses in the middle of nowhere, or that we have fifty two houses in France, All [of those rumors are] not too serious, but this latest one is a rumor which could cause a lot of harm to my family and my children.” We knew those house rumors weren’t true, either. What family has more than 10 houses per person? You’d have to invent a time machine just to live in them all! And we’re betting those time machine rumors aren’t true either!

Early this month tabloids claimed Paradis and Depp were already in the process of dissolving their relationship; the parents of two have been together since 1998. “These magazines end up in the fireplace or the toilet,” concluded Vanessa. The toilet! We would live in the toilet if it meant these two would keep quietly proving love exists. We would literally design, construct and raise a family in the bowl of a giant toilet. Don’t tempt us; we have very little else going on right now. And everything we own is already water-proof.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Our Favorite Golden Globes Moments: The Artist’s Dog, Penis Jokes And More

We actually had a scorecard ready to mark how many offensive things Ricky Gervais said at tonight’s Golden Globes, but it seems that he decided to leave the raunch and insults to others. Most of it, at least. Anyway, here are our favorite silly, cute, funny and moving moments from the 69th annual awards show, in semi-chronological order:

» Ricky Gervais said he wasn’t allowed to joke about Mel Gibson, or Jodie Foster’s Beaver. “I haven’t seen it myself; that doesn’t mean it’s not any good.”

» Ricky continued his amusing relationship with Johnny Depp by asking him onstage: “Have you seen The Tourist?” To which Depp answered, “No.”

» Julianne Moore and Rob Lowe very gracefully overcame a TelePrompTer fail. And Downton Abbey’s Elizabeth McGovern tripped UP the stairs. And during one cutaway, we saw Dame Helen Mirren chewing. Thus proving stars’ humanness once again.

» While standing next to Kate Beckinsale, Seth Rogen said, “Hello, I’m Seth Rogen, and I’m currently trying to hide a massive erection. ” And then the camera cut away to a show of Jodie Foster’s kids, for some reason.

» Speaking of kids, daughters seemed to be a big theme of the night. Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy winner Michelle Williams thanked her daughter, Matilda, for putting up with having months of bedtime stories in which “all the princesses were read aloud in a Marilyn Monroe voice.” Best Supporting Actor in a TV Series or Miniseries winner Peter Dinklage thanked his daughter who was home with her first babysitter. Best Director winner Martin Scorsese thanked his daughter, Francesca, for introducing him to the book, The Invention of Hugo Cabret, on which Hugo is based.

» George Clooney borrowed Brad Pitt’s cane to introduce Moneyball.
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Are Johnny Depp And Vanessa Paradis On The Verge Of A Break-Up?

Johnny Depp, no! Don’t ruin all our fantasies about you and Vanessa Paradis, fantasies where you spend your days chain-smoking clove cigarettes, eating baguettes and trying on different, fabulous hats. Don’t you even dare do that to us. Devastatingly, RadarOnline reports that the Dark Shadows star and his girlfriend of nearly 14 years are allegedly headed toward a split. “People around him are worried about how Johnny is doing because he and Vanessa seem so fractured right now,” their source claims. “Their relationship is heading toward the end.” Now those blue sunglasses and fisherman’s hat won’t seem European at all, Johnny. They’ll just seem tragic! Completely and utterly tragic!

Depp and French actress and singer Paradis currently have two children, Lily-Rose Melody Depp and John Christopher Depp, who no doubt have adorable French accents and act like little miniature Amelies and oh Johnny, please don’t let happen. “Johnny has started reaching out to lawyers, probably to quietly discuss how to get out of the relationship,” a source alleges. “They’re not married but they’ve been together for years and have kids together so it isn’t as easy as just breaking up.” Did you two ever ride to the Eiffel Tower together on a tandem bicycle during a spring shower even once? Don’t tell us. We can’t bare to know the truth.

Emma Watson, Rupert Grint, Robsten Top Another List, Because Why Not?

The folks at Forbes certainly know what they’re doing. Usually, we turn to them for the big lists, like the Celebrity 100, the World’s Most Powerful Women or the Hip-Hop Cash Kings. But those take a lot of work, and sometimes, they just need something fast and easy (we’re just assuming here, ’cause you know, we’d never be so gratuitous about our lists). So, they do things like this week’s Hollywood’s Top-Earning On-Screen Couples, which is topped by Emma Watson and Rupert Grint, followed by Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.

We’re very happy to see the Harry Potter and Twilight stars at the top of the list, natch. But it does feel a bit like the editors sat down and said, “What kind of list can we do that will feature the stars of Harry Potter and Twilight, and maybe also Pirates of the Caribbean and Transformers?” They admit themselves that the whole thing is based on numbers from Box Office Mojo (the total earnings from movies with the stars as a couple from the last five years).

Still, here we are, looking at the list. So they’ve hooked us again! We’ll give you the full list below, but also we want to come up with some kind of challenge for the Forbes editors, just to make sure they stay on top of their game. Maybe the next feature should be something like America’s Highest-Grossing Puppet Shows or Top-Earning Subway Mariachi Groups. That‘ll take a little shoe leather.
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The 25 Worst-Dressed Stars Of 2011: Vote For The Best…Of The Worst

2011 brought along with it a host of new fashion trends, from long-sleeved gowns to daytime sequins to the ever-unfortunate mullet dress. The biggest trend of all, however, seems to have been stars looking like a volcanically hot mess. Yes, like a single strand of pearls or a little black dress, celebrities sashaying down the red carpet in cringe-inducing couture never gets old. After all, these are people who all have stylists. Who they pay real money. To make them look good. We know.

Without further ado, check out our Worst-Dressed Stars of 2011 gallery then vote on your favorite misguided celebs. Will it be Paz de la Huerta or Nicki Minaj? Katy Perry or Courtney Stodden? Lady Gaga or Snooki? As long as famous people continue to have little to no taste, we’ll all be winners here.

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Our 25 Favorite Vampires Of 2011

We’re not shy about our vampire obsession around here. And even as angels and werewolves and dystopian battlefields take over the screens and bookshelves, it doesn’t look like sexy bloodsuckers are going anywhere. Sure, they experience a bit of boom and bust, but a look back at the last 100 years in pop culture proves their undying staying power. In 2011, our blood was stirred by a nice crop of undead seducers, from Eric and Bill on True Blood to Damon and Stefan on The Vampire Diaries to the entire morally upstanding Cullen family. There were others who leapt from the pages of books whose racy covers we sometimes had to keep hidden — Bloodlines, the spinoff of YA series Vampire Academy, made its debut; Jeaniene Frost’s Night Huntress series is still going strong, and in City of Fallen Angels, the latest from Cassandra Clare’s Mortal Instruments series, vampire Simon went from best friend to hot commodity. There were even a couple of “nonfiction” vamps who made it onto our 2011 list.

Before you check out our 25 faves, watch who such celebrity vampire experts as True Blood’s Joe Manganiello and Twilight’s Elizabeth Reaser, and non-experts like Andrew W.K., Robin Thicke and Questlove would nominate for Vampire of the Year. Because we just declared that a thing.

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Now, take a look at our top 25, vote on your faves and let us know in the comments if we missed any of your favorites.

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Johnny Depp Wanted For Questioning In Bodyguard Assault Case

Well, he’s not wanted wanted. But according to TMZ, the LAPD is investigating the claims of 52-year-old Robyn Ecker, who says Johnny Depp’s bodyguards beat her up last week. The police probably just want his version of events.

Ecker said that she was minding her own business, dancing at the Iggy & the Stooges concert at the Palladium in L.A. on Thursday night, when she got too close to Depp’s table. The bodyguards, apparently unaware that this sort of thing is bound to happen when you’re at a punk concert, grabbed her wrists and wrestled her to the ground, she claims. Seriously, who doesn’t bump into people by accident while pogo-ing? Isn’t that the point? TMZ says Ecker is also “handicapped,” but we’re not sure how that comes into play. But oof. Way to ruin some middle-aged lady’s attempt to relive her wild rock-club days.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Ben Affleck’s Dolphin Joins Our List Of Goofy Celebrity Tattoos

We’re going to take a break from commenting on Ben Affleck’s new Justin-Bieber-as-a-mountain-man look for a little bit so we can reflect on what appears to be a new tattoo. Or at least it’s new to us. The actor flashed the ink as he took his daughters Violet and Seraphina to lunch in LA over the weekend, and to be honest we’re still trying to figure out what the hell it’s supposed to be. People keep insisting that the tat is a picture of a dolphin, but we’re not so convinced. It looks more to us like it could be one of the following:

1. The fabled Loch Ness Monster.

2. A tribute to the film Free Willy.

3. McDonald-Land character Grimace, after being run over with a steam roller.

4. A shaggy mop-top toupee.

Any suggestions, guys? But regardless of whatever it happens to be, Ben has officially joined our list of the goofiest celebrity tattoos. Check out the rest of the entries in the gallery below!

[Photo: Splash News Online]

How Does Ryan Gosling’s Teen Sitcom Compare To Other Embarrassing Celeb Roles?

There’s a lot of potentially humiliating stuff going on in Ryan Gosling‘s Breaker High, the Canadian sitcom that helped launch the Drive actor’s career in 1997, back when he was just a hunky teen. Between Ryan’s faux-Brooklyn accent, the insanely flamboyant hockey coach, and the fact that the show revolved around a high school located on a cruise ship, it’d be understandable if Ryan wanted to toss all copies of this show into the Atlantic and never look back. But really, is it any worse than any other early embarrassing celeb role? From Jack Black to Jennifer Aniston to Renee Zellweger, plenty of A-listers have had to take some Z-list roles when they were starting out. If you had to chose one from our humiliating list (and you do!), which cringe-worthy part do you think is the most regrettable?

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Johnny Depp Broke Into “Hysterical Laughter” When His Plane Stalled Out

Johnny Depp laughs in the face of the abyss on a regular basis, only this time he wasn’t wearing a pirate costume while a key grip hurled buckets of water in his face. Instead, the Rum Diary star recalls a near-death experience he shared with director Bruce Robinson when their plane nearly went down. “The sound of the engines stopped. There was silence,” Depp told Life. “Bruce and I were looking at each other and I think I said, ‘Is this it?’ It was like this weird extended moment when you’re just floating for a second and you could feel this unpleasant descent.” An unpleasant descent? Oh, we know all about that; we saw Sleepy Hollow in theaters. The day it came out.

Luckily for the future of Tim Burton‘s film oeuvre, the plane’s engines restarted … though not before Johnny could get a few chuckles in. “Nobody said a word except for Bruce and I, sitting next to each other saying, ‘Oh s–t! This is death; I guess this is how it goes down.’ Then we burst into hysterical laughter at the idea that this was how we were going to die.” No, there’s no way the universe was going to take Johnny from us before he gets to play Tonto in the Lone Ranger movie. You just know he’s going to do something super weird with that.

[Photo: WENN]