Archive for Joe Francis

Joe Francis Rips Off Ryan And ScarJo’s Statement, Confirms Divorce

Joe Francis & Christina McLarty

Remember Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson‘s divorce statement? “After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we’ve decided to end our marriage. We entered our relationship with love and it’s with love and kindness we leave it.” Pretty classy, right? Joe Francis must have thought so, as the god of Girls Gone Wild swiped it wholesale to confirm the end of his 7-week-old marriage to Christina McLarty. “After careful and thoughtful consideration on both our parts, Christina and I have mutually decided to end our relationship,” he said to Us Magazine. “We entered into our relationship with love and it’s with love and kindness that we leave it.” Way to make Ryan and ScarJo’s two-year marriage look like a lifetime, dude.

Joe didn’t say why the couple were so quick to leave their marriage with love and kindness, but if People‘s Sexiest Man Alive can get dumped, surely the same fate can befall Earth’s Sexist-est Man Alive in a fraction of the time. Maybe like Ryan, Joe was too focused on his work to give his wife the attention she wanted. Only this time “work” means “drunk 19-year-olds.”

[Photo: Getty Images]

New Book Alleges That Paris Stashes Her Drugs In A Very Special Carry-On…Down There

paris_luggage

Luggage, luggage everywhere, and yet none of it’s suitable to hide your stash, especially when you’re flying commercial. Such is the ordeal that faces Paris Hilton when she travels. Hilton, seen here coming home from the World Cup, has been caught with drugs quite a few times this summer – in South Africa and Corsica with marijuana, in Las Vegas with coke that looks like gum. But what about all the times she’s traveled and not been busted? Well, a new book explains just how the heiress conceals illegal substances when she travels…and it’s not pretty.

Author Ryan Simkin, a former employee of professional creep and Hilton ex Joe Francis, wrote a tell-all about the Girls Gone Wild creator, and has a pretty amazing story about Paris in there, explaining how she hides her drugs. The book, subtly titled FLASH! Bars, Boobs, and Busted: 5 Years on the Road with Girls Gone Wild was excerpted in Gawker today and contains the following passage, explaining how Hilton planned to travel with a cigarette box full of cocaine and ecstasy:

I took out the Camel box and handed it to her, and she thanked me. We talked for a minute or two about the apparent difficulty of procuring those drugs in Europe. I asked if she was flying private, and she said, “No, commercial.” And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X. She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch.

Yup, there she is just sticking a rigid box full of drugs right up herself. In a way we’re not shocked. Well, not shocked that there’s room up there, anyway. We doubt that her vagina is the smallest room the Hilton hotel chain offers, given the amount of travelers it’s seen. What’s shocking is the amount of confidence Paris has in this story, if it’s to be believed. Because if she was caught traveling with that many hardcore drugs inside herself, there’s really no one else she could blame this on, as is her usual m.o.

Do you believe that Paris would be this bold and stupid, or is this just a story fabricated to sell books? It’s a good thing the TSA is rolling out those full body scanners soon, huh?

[Photo: Paris Hilton's TwitPic]

No Jail Time For Joe Francis

joe francis

Hoping to see Joe Francis get ten years for tax evasion? Too bad. The Girls Gone Wild founder made a last-minute deal with prosecutors for probation and time served after it was discovered that one of their main witnesses had lied in grand jury testimony. He also to turn over a quarter mil in restitution, but once he takes a few booby photos he’ll make it right back.

Though he and Jayde Nicole still have matching civil suits against each other for that hair-pulling incident last summer, the LA district attorney decided last week to file no criminal charges against anyone involved in the melee. For now, haters seeking schadenfreude will just have to hope it comes from the smut peddler’s pocketbook. But we’re sure he’ll get into trouble again before too long.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Joe Francis Narrowly Avoids Another Brody Jenner Beatdown

joe francis

Joe Francis‘ fans—both of them—will be disappointed to find this out, but the Girls Gone Wild entrepeneur is all bark and no bite when it comes to Brody Jenner. Discussing the Hills star (who beat Francis good last August for pulling Jayde Nicole‘s hair at a club) outside the Star Magazine party last night, Francis swore “If I see Brody Jenner, he is dead,” repeating his accusation that Jenner “has the smallest penis he’s ever seen.” Apparently, Joe Francis has seen a lot of penis.

In beautiful bit of irony, Francis entered the party to find Brody Jenner at a table full of bromantic companions. “Brody’s boys stood up as soon as they saw Joe,” said a Page Six source. “Lo Bosworth told them all to calm down and not do anything crazy. Brody and his pals walked out giving Francis dirty looks. Francis stood there with his tail between his legs. He looked scared s—less.” Someone bring this up next time Joe starts wiggling his pinky.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Top 8 Celebrity Tax Evaders

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There are, of course, two certainties in life: death and taxes. And one if not both, is absolutely coming tomorrow, April 15th! No matter who you are, Uncle Sam will get you! Even A-list celebrities must pay up, although some seem to have thought they were above the law when they attempted a fancy shmancy loophole, but were of course busted. Check out our gallery of celebrity tax evaders! [Photos: Splash News Online]

Joe Francis Arrested, Blames Flu For Court Absence

Ever ignore calls from work, show up five hours late and blame the flu? Of course you haven’t—you’re not an idiot who wants to get fired. Now imagine using that excuse in court. Judge S. James Otero issued arrest warrant for Joe Francis when he failed to show up in court yesterday morning, and the Girls Gone Wild-man blamed the flu when he finally appeared on the steps five hours later. “He’s been as sick as can be,” said Melissa Weinberger, a lawyer who has yet to drop Francis over “strategic differences of opinion.”

Despite Francis’ sniffles, the arrest warrant stood and the porn entrepreneur was dragged away by U.S. Marshals. If found guilty at his tax evasion trial (scheduled for March), the porn merchant could face up to ten years in prison.

[Photo: Getty]

Judge Issues Warrant For Joe Francis’ Arrest

When we last saw Joe Francis, he was making an unwelcome ass out of himself at Sundance. As hard as it is to believe, someone would actually like to see him again. U.S. District Judge S. James Otero issued a warrant for the Girls Gone Wild creator’s arrest today after he failed to show up in court and could not be reached by telephone.

Francis was needed for a hearing to decide whether his lawyers could remove themselves from his tax evasion case, due to “strategic differences of opinion” (maybe they didn’t like the idea of teaming up with Larry Flynt to ask for a government bailout). Francis’ trial, which concerns his decision to make $20-30 million in phony deductions from 2002 to 2003, is scheduled to to begin on March 31st. Hopefully he’ll find a law firm that can stand him by then. Or not. We’re psyched either way.

[Photo: WireImage]

Joe Francis and Shia LaBeouf Ruin Men’s Fashion

Yes, that is Joe Francis in a woman’s lingerie tank top. The pic above was taken at the Rock Band gift suite at the Sundance Film Festival, where apparently various publicists were begging reporters not to reveal his presence at their clients’ swag suites. Judging from the pic above, he’s not doing much to ensure his comeback anytime soon.

Meanwhile, the always eccentric boozehound Shia LaBeouf left a liquor store in Glendale, California, with a bag on his head and an Arizona Ice Tea in hand. It looks like stardom has literally gone to his head, in a very freaky way. [Photos: WireImage/Splash News Online]

Porn Kings To Beg Government For A Bailout

After years of fighting the government, Larry Flynt and Joe Francis are teaming up to ask Senators for a $5 billion bailout. Porn DVD sales are down 22%, it seems. “Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation’s most important businesses; we feel we deserve the same consideration,” said Francis, who will be tried for evading over $20 million in taxes this March.

“It’s time for Congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America,” said Flynt, who was jailed for six months when he wore an American flag as a diaper to court in 1983. We’re sure the Senate will be happy to assist these patriots. They’re not busy fixing the economy or anything.

[Photos: Getty/WireImage]

Whiniest Celebrity Prisoners

Whenever celebrities get sent to the slammer, they are just chock full of complaints! Stars whine about everything from bad food to claustrophobic rooms to blood-stained blankets. Incarcerated celebrities can’t stand to be away from the 5 star necessities like spacious terraces, gourmet cuisine, and cashmere throws to which they are accustomed. But that’s why it’s called prison and not the Beverly Hills Hotel! Check out Scandalist’s Whiniest Celebrity Prisoners… [Photo:Getty]