Archive for R. Kelly

R. Kelly Has 32 New Chapters Of “Trapped In The Closet” Ready To Go

We all kind of suspected this but…R. Kelly really is some kind of insane musical genius, isn’t he? According to comments the singer made to TMZ this week, R. Kelly‘s epic hip hopera “Trapped In The Closet” has another 32 chapters, which will undoubtedly blow our collective mind. 32 might seem like a lot to add to such a masterpiece (particularly when the whole thing is made entirely out of the same 8 seconds of melody repeated forever), but keep in mind that the 2007 epic already contains 22 chapters. We’d say this is Kelly’s magnum opus, but then again, he also wrote “Sex Planet.” We’ll leave it for history to decide.

Anyone who recalls R.’s magnificent one-man performance of the song during the 2005 VMAs is undoubtedly waiting with baited breath to see how each of his characters will deal with their sexually-transmitted “Package.” Kelly told TMZ he’s hoping to record the additions to the already marathon-length tune, “but it costs a lot of money to do … so we’re actually looking for investors.” The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation needs to get on this immediately. If not for R., then do it for Bridget. And that midget. Midget! Midget! Midget!

[Photo: Getty Images]

Joseph Gordon-Levitt Serenades You With A Little R. Kelly

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is your boyfriend. Okay, not in reality, nor even in semi-reality like Scarlett Johansson (allegedly), but you do think the 50/50 star is adorable. Willing-to-sit-through-Premium-Rush adorable, which is something. The only question remaining: is it more adorable to see Joseph Gordon-Levitt sing in French, or to hear him serenade you with R. Kelly‘s “Ignition(Remix),” which he covered while visiting OSU recently. Take some time and consider it. Forget all that other stuff that comes to mind when you think about R. Kelly. Focus on the smoothness of the jams, and the adorableness of JGL. The answer will come to you.

[Photo: WENN]

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R. Kelly Rushed To Hospital For Emergency Throat Surgery

Despite what you might have immediately assumed, R. Kelly’s emergency hospital visit for throat surgery was not the result of “too much smoothness” building up in his esophagus. Apparently that’s not even “medically possible,” at least according to Western medicine. As clarified in a statement from the singer’s representation earlier today, the “Ignition (Remix)” singer is recovering in a Chicago hospital after having an abcess drained on his tonsils. Ugh. That’s even more disturbing than the lyrics to “Sex Planet.”

Kelly had reportedly been complaining of throat pain earlier this week, only to be rushed into surgery following a throat exam. While his rep says that Kelly is “laid up indefinitely,” we sincerely hope he recovers quickly. The longer he’s on bed rest, the more new “Trapped In The Closet” chapters are going to start piling up in his nightstand. And the world is just not ready for more.

[Photo: Splash News Online]

R. Kelly’s Seriously Creepy Pick Up Lines

r-kelly

He’s been plagued by sex-scandals for years, so you’d think that R. Kelly would work on getting some subtle chat-up lines for when he wants to hit on some unsuspecting lady. But judging from his reported behavior in London, we’re a little bit freaked. At the city’s Mo*vida club, he allegedly tried it on with a girl by pulling her hair and saying , “Do you like that? It’s pain, but it’s good pain, isn’t it?”

Um, no. It’s scary. His other words weren’t much better, instead dripping with finest low-grade cheese: “Come back with me to my hotel. It’s only seven minutes away. I haven’t invited anybody else back. Well… maybe one or two girls… I want to make you feel good, like you never have before. I’m for real.” What girl wouldn’t be seduced by those romantic words? Oh, we’ve just been a little bit sick in our mouths. [Photo: Getty Images]

Wayna Goes Down

In the annals of crimes levied against R&B singers (we’re thinking R. Kelly, Chris Brown, Michael Jackson and Lisa “Burn-the-House-Down” Lopes), attempting to board a flight with a 24-inch collapsible police baton doesn’t seem too memorable. Especially when said baton is used only as a stage prop while performing songs about police brutality.

But it’s notable that Wayna (real name: Woyneab Miraf Wondwossen), who was nominated at the 2009 Grammys for Best Urban/Alternative Performance, thought she could get away with sneaking a lethal weapon on a plan at a Houston airport today. These days, we fret over our shampoo bottles possibly containing more liquid than is allotted by airline regulations. Oh celebrities. Stay entitled. Stay entertaining. Charged with possession of a prohibited weapon, Wayna posted a $5,000 bond and is out of jail. [Photo: WireImage]

R. Kelly Is Single And Ready To Mingle

Finally! R. Kelly, singer, songwriter, and alleged pedophile, has divorced his wife of 11 years. This is the first we’ve ever heard of Kelly having a wife, but apparently his ex’s name is Andrea and they have three kids together. The couple will share joint custody of their children, daughters Jaya and Joann, and son Robert Jr. We sure hope their dad wasn’t responsible for potty training them!

Acquitted of child porn charges last year, R. Kelly was married once before, to then 15-year-old Aaliyah, in 1995. Their marriage was annulled after five months cuz, ya know, she was a kid. [Photo: GettyImages]

Birth Dating: Who’s Older? Jason Giambi Or R. Kelly?

In 2002, former American League MVP Jason Giambi left the Oakland A’s for the NY Yankees. That same year, multi-platinum R&B star R. Kelly was indicted on 21 counts of having intercourse with a minor. In 2008, Giambi signed a deal to return to the A’s and Kelly was found not guilty of all charges. Both men were born on January 8th. Click on the photo to find out who’s older.

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Five Music Videos For Cheaters

There’s been a lot of hanky panky going around in Hollywood lately. It’s been alleged, for instance, that David Duchovny cheated on wife Tea Leoni by volleying private parts with his tennis instructor — a rumor he vehemently denies. It’s also been alleged that he’s divorcing Leoni because she played a similar game with Billy Bob Thornton. Then there’s Balthazar Getty hooking up with Sienna Miller (a.k.a, the SLUT), Paris Hilton shaking her bony ass for Prince William and rumors of Justin “Bobby” Brescia hooking up with Lauren Conrad behind Audrina Patridge‘s back. The nerve!

In light of sneaky sexual relations, we’ve culled together five music videos of the “Me And Mrs. Jones” variety. Watch them all after the jump.

Depeche Mode — “A Question of Lust”

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Top 10 Shortest Celebrity Marriages

Looks like Madge and her Material husband are no more. After years of rumors as to the unhappiness of the pair, Madge’s “affair of the heart” this summer with Yankee Alex Rodriguez, and the fact that Madonna‘s been everywhere but her adopted home of London using that fake accent of hers, we’ve been pretty sure trouble’s been brewing for a while. But the pair stuck it out for eight years, which is a lot longer than most celebrity couples stay married.

In the gallery below, we’ve put together some of the all-time shortest celebrity marriages. From Britney‘s Vegas quickie to Barrymore’s bar nuptials, these folks have proven they *are* just like us, by making really dumb mistakes. From those that were hitched for hours to months, find out which of your favorite celebs said “I do,” only to have their lawyers tell them they didn’t.

[Photo: WireImage]

R. Kelly Swears He Wouldn’t Pee On Anyone “Illegal,” Forgets Child Bride Aaliyah

R. Kelly gave his first interview since his sex trial to BET yesterday, and it might be the last time he talks about the years-long adventure in litigation. “It’s time for me to move on,” said the Pied Pisser of R&B. “I can’t keep answering these questions. If you was charged with something and you was found innocent, then you can’t be found guilty for being found innocent.” So true!

Despite the inability to be found guilty of being found innocent, Kelly is still wary of admitting his comfort with underage flesh. When interviewer Toure asked if he liked teenage girls, Kelly responded brusquely, “Nineteen? I have some 19-year-old fans. I don’t like anybody illegal, if that’s what you’re talking about.” It sounds like R. Kelly is the only r&b star who doesn’t remember Aaliyah, the late singer/actor he married in the mid-90s, when she was only 15.

Blessed by this lapse in memory, Kells hopes the trial will have a “positive impact” on his career. “If the 12 people who didn’t know me, after hearing the facts and listening to everything, could find me innocent, [I hope that] people around the world could do the same thing.” Actually, they found him “not guilty.” It’s a slight—but important—difference.