Call him a boy-toy if you must, but Jesus Luz will have you know that even though he and Madonna are occasionally hot, then cold, (yes then no), he considers her his wife.
Luz gave an interview recently with Brazil’s RG Vogue magazine and explained that even though they’ve had a rocky relationship, he and Madonna are committed, saying “I consider myself a married man. I have a family. At my age, my father was married, my mother gave birth to me when she was 15.” Luz does seem invested in Madonna’s brood, and hey, if Ashton and Demi make it work, who are we to judge? The couple has dated for just over a year, which is about how old Jesus was when “Like A Prayer” came out. Blows the mind a little, doesn’t it? [Photo: Getty Images]
Expect new and different sounds emanating from Katy Perry when she releases her next record this summer. The singer explained that ever since she started dating Russell Brand, she’s felt the need to evolve as an artist, so she plans to write less provocative and cynical music, replacing that with “cute lyrics”.
Perry is sick of her trademark look too, saying “If I had to be the fruity pin-up girl another day, I would jump off the Hollywood sign”. Coincidentally, that’s exactly how we feel! She hasn’t gotten an extreme makeover just yet, though, so we’re interested in seeing just how radical this reinvention will be, especially since she starts a new tour this summer. She said that she’s following in another successful singer’s footsteps by changing her game plan, explaining “I want to evolve like Madonna.” Will Perry be as successful as Madge? Who knows, they both have the “marrying an English guy” thing down, but Perry has a long road ahead of her (and, if she plans to really commit, an awkward appearance on The Marriage Ref) before we can come to any conclusions. [Photo: Getty Images]
Next time you see a confused, scraggly-bearded young man wandering around NYC with a suitcase, remember…whatsoever you do the least of your brothers, so you do unto Jesus Luz. Madonna’s man was in Soho yesterday, buying luggage and looking just a little disconcerted by the bright lights, big noises and cold weather. Maybe the Material Mom wanted to remind her boy toy what a scary world it can be out there for a young model/DJ…40 days and 40 nights in the urban wilderness would do him good before his debut single gets crucified.
A month after tabs claimed Jesus Luz dumped Madonna, the Material Mom has reportedly snagged her boytoy a record deal. According to The Sun, Warner Bros.—Madge’s old label—will release the studmuffin’s debut single, “We Came From Light,” early this summer (can’t waaait!). Ironically, the deal may meaning hearing a lot more Madonna; in exchange for humoring the model/DJ, WB will get to put some of her old hits in heavy-saturation ad campaigns. “Getting him on the books wasn’t completely plain-sailing,” says their source. “There was a little give and take between her and execs, but a compromise was eventually settled upon.”
If “We Came From Light” winds up the next “Popozao” (WB’s deal reportedly gives them the option to release a full album, but no commitment), expect some sniffles—according to Page Six, Luz burst into tears when a partygoer at Rio’s Carnival last week dumped a beer on his head, screaming “Get out of here, I don’t wanna see your face here anymore!” Don’t listen to him, Jesus. Watching you caper on the beach, as you did yesterday in Rio, is no hassle at all.
We’re hard on some celebrities at times when we don’t mean to be, but one actress who always manages to irritate us and we have no problem calling her out on it is Gwyneth Paltrow. Call it the holier-than-thou GOOP effect, but Gwynnie’s always talking about her life’s great obstacles and obsessions (What to do about these three pounds of holiday weight gain?! How to handle brain farts! Black leggings: my dirty little secret!) and it seems like nothing more than her own oblivious way of telling us all she’s loaded and has an expert advisor for everything we normal people handle on our own.
In this week’s edition of GOOP, Paltrow shills for her personal trainer Tracy Anderson, who was once responsible for sculpting Madonna’s rock hard everything until Madge fired her, and touts the Anderson technique for helping her get rid of her “batwings” and saggy butt. Spare us your fat talk Gwyneth, you’re talking to a serial Weight Watcher who regularly eats entire boxes of macaroni and cheese alone in the dark, we’re pretty sure you don’t know from saggy butts. If you do want to see exactly what it takes to get Gwyneth’s sculpted arms, check out the video she posted of Anderson showing off her moves. It’s especially fun to watch while squirting corn syrup into your mouth straight from the bottle.
Madonna has tried every career imaginable, it actually makes us wonder why it’s taken her this long to decide she wants to get into fashion, but it’s finally happening. The singer-actress-author-Jesus Luz babysitter will soon add “designer” to her resumé, now that she is reportedly collaborating with Macy’s on her own line.
Thing is, the woman who once shocked the world with her conical bras and barely-there outfits has started to bore us with her all-black looks and abundance of workout pants and trench coats, so we’re thinking maybe the time has passed for this opportunity. While the label is still just a twinkle in Madonna’s eye, some names that have been thrown about are “Material Girl” and “Truth or Dare”, which make us yawn. We have some alternate suggestions just in case she’s thinking of getting creative, ahem:
Desperately Seeking Sweatpants
The Immaculate Collection
4 Minutes To Dress The World
Burnin’ Up (For Your Gloves)
Confessions of a Pants Whore
And perhaps the most obvious one of all, (you’re welcome, Madonna!):
Sorry, male models looking for an easy payday, Madonna and Jesus Luz break-up rumors won’t be heating up again at least until Carnival time in Rio is over. The awkwardly monikered pair (is it gauche to reacknowledge that a woman named after the Virgin Mary is dating a guy half her age named Jesus?) have been living it up with her kids down South, enjoying the festivities and hanging out with manager/potential American Idol judge Guy Oseary, Rio governor Sergio Cabral and omnipresent actor/party-boy Gerard Butler. See them get silly in the gallery below—if Madonna’s cool with Jesus wearing that top hat, it must be love.
Attendees at CAA’s Super Bowl bash in Miami Saturday may have been amused to see Alex Rodriguez grinding on the dancefloor with Cameron Diaz, but at least one tabloid has stepped up with an anonymous source to suggest this was more than an innocent flirtation. “A-Rod and Cameron have been totally hooking up,” some bean-spiller totally told OK! Magazine. Not that they can say when and where the pair have been sharing these secret rendezvous. After all, hasn’t she been busy squatting on top of co-star Tom Cruise on the set of Knight And Day when not practicing yoga in the Caribbean?
The who-dated-who web is getting pretty tangled if these two are actually an item, as the Enquirer suggested Kate Hudsontried to get over her split with A-Rod by macking on Justin Timberlake at the Screen Actors Guild Awards. Timberlake, of course, is a long-time “friend” of Hudson’s who dated Miss Diaz before hooking up with the now-long-suffering Jessica Biel. Complicating things further, A-Rod’s ex Madonna straddled Justin on stage more than once when hawking “4 Minutes” in 2008. Whether or not anything untoward has happened between them, A-Rod and Cammy certainly have plenty in common.
When tabloids tried to play up the frustratingly amicable split between Madonna and Jesus Luz, we guessed the Material Mom took his departure in stride because she knew there was plenty more where that chiseled DJ/model came from. Proving the point (well, maybe we should avoid the word “proof” when discussing these things) is the Daily Mail’s assertion that Madge is slowly sinking her talons into another spicy studmuffin, model/Single Man actor Jon Kortajarena. The pair supposedly first met at the film’s New York premiere last December. “Jon looked slightly uncomfortable with the attention but was, nonetheless, flattered,” said their source. “She has made some enquiries about him and has found out a bit more about some of his future modeling gigs in a bid to use her influence to his advantage. She is going to invite him to some social events in New York.” Some social events…in her pants.
Of course, no tabloid would let Madonna go back to the beefcake buffet table with pride, so this news has to really be about her alleged resentment towards the prodigal Luz. “She’s furious and feels humiliated…She feels he has her to thank for his modeling success and is calling all her designer friends, telling them not to use him.” Like his return to obscurity wasn’t already a given. People, let a player play! We just hope Mr. Kortajarena can think up dates more glamorous than donning ski masks to see Avatar.
Looks like this boy’s no longer a toy! The Chicago Sun-Times says that model-DJ Jesus Luz has said goodbye to sugar mama Madonna. “Apparently, the 23-year-old Brazilian realized their age difference (she’s 51) and overall lack of mutual interests nixed a long-term relationship,” reports columnist Bill Zwecker (maybe she didn’t like Avatar as much as he did). While we believe Madonna wouldn’t sweat losing her studmuffin—there’s plenty more where that came from—we’re a little surprised with Luz’s independence. Isn’t this supposed to go “Jesus and Madonna fight in public, Madonna dumps him, Jesus sues for palimony, loses, writes a tell-all and spends the rest of his life doing reality shows”? While there’s still time for the story to get pathetic, it’s almost unnerving to see a celebrity couple like this split with such class.
Underlining the peculiar lack of drama are blogs that can’t help but change what little story there is to make some. Gossip Girls, though quoting the same article and nothing else, says Madonna “kicked Jesus to the curb” and “sent her boytoy packing.” Likewise, Perez somehow gets “not so amicable” out of the Sun-Times‘ “totally amicable.” Just wait for another source to offer some actual dirt, guys.
