We assumed that, given the very dirty details John Mayer revealed about Jessica Simpson she would be angry. (You remember, it went something like “Sexually, it was crazy. It was like. . .sexual napalm.”) We figured she, being a wholesome girl who saved herself for Nick Lachey all those years ago, would lash out, maybe deliver some kind of public reprimand and come out a sympathetic winner in this whole mess. Turns out, a reprimand isn’t necessary, Jessica is getting her revenge another way.
In her interview with Oprah Winfrey, set to air today, Simpson explained that she was definitely upset by Mayer’s comments saying “I’m a little bit angry. I guess I could have been a lot worse.” (Uh, how much worse?) However, Simpson is actually reaping some benefits from what was said about her too, telling Opes that as far as her dating life is concerned “My phone is ringing off the hook, I have to say.” Funny, we were pitying her this whole time and never even considered the up side. Work that napalm, Jess! [Photo: Getty Images]
Oh, John Mayer. We know you’re trying to make amends with the world now, but really, you need to be quiet for like five seconds because you’re too easy a target right now.
Last night at a show at New York’s Madison Square Garden, Mayer managed to pinch out a thank you to his fans, telling the crowd “I hate to come off like an a**hole ever, and thank you guys for believing that I am not an a**hole. Never, ever in my entire life did I ever think that it would be a good idea to be an a**hole. But you know what? There’s plenty of a**holes who think the same thing, so I have to thank you… It’s a clean me now, people, clean me.” See, what we got from that was “Clean me now, people. I hate to come off. A**hole!” Granted, we’re doing a little word scramble but if you glance at the quote reallyreallyfast, you’ll see it too.
This is a man who claims to have a decent sense of humor, how could he not realize that those of us with juvenile minds would get a decent chuckle out of that? [Photo: Getty Images]
Suggesting rock may well be dead, the red carpet at last night’s NME Awards was filled with zombified corpses, trudging past the cameras in the clothes they were buried in. While comedian Noel Fielding put the most effort into his ghoulish appearance (we always wondered what the vampire son of Keith Moon and Groucho Marx would look like), the award for Zombie Prom queen still has to go to Courtney Love, whose Twitter is putting Tila Tequila’s to shame thanks to incoherent missives to fellow NME attendees Ke$ha, Lily Allen and Slash, alleged friend Katy Perry(run, girl!), and a long rumination about “hatef—ing” John Mayer. Hope you like your sexting sloppy!
do you ever feel like spite hate f—ing @johncmayer just to put hi in his place, hes a better guitarist than me but not better in bed !/but like say your f—ing @johncmayer totally throwing him around the room in bits and then you just BAM punch him in the face? good times/ oh dudes Mayers a little bland for me and youngish ill do young, but hes neither Yale Harvard Oxford and hes not really rock, so not for me/ hate f—ing is an art like “the pit” meaning you rape each other and then beat the s— our of each other so u can feel s—/ gentle “lovemaking” isnt really great for a grat tuetonic queen who likes to dominate and everyonece in a blue moon allows some dominance
Mayer has so far shown impressive restraint, only sharing classy black-and-white photos and brief variations on “great show, (town I just played!)” with his online followers. But you ignoring this must be a struggle.
See what Ke$ha, Allen, Agyness Deyn and others wore to the NME’s zombie jamboree in the gallery below.
This video of John Mayer performing in Philadelphia this week answers one of life’s burning questions: who the hell actually goes to John Mayer concerts? The answer: 11 year old kids and their moms. John brought such a youngster up onstage at his show Sunday night, after he spotted the kid in the audience holding a sign that read, “Can I play “Belief” with you?”
John grabbed wee New Jersey boy Austin Christy from the crowd of 25,000 and jammed with the tween per his request. He later gifted Austin an autographed guitar, a gesture that so moved this kid’s mom, she wrote this note to the singer: “John made an 11-year-old’s dream come true. John gave him the guitar after the show and we needed security to get out of the stadium.”
Okay, okay, so John’s great with kids, but he should try treating women with the same respect and tenderness. Next time, instead of calling Jessica Simpson “sexual napalm” in interviews, he should just write the words on a guitar and give it to her in front of thousands of people. [Video via PopEater]
John Mayer’s racist, sex-filled Playboy interview has the singer riding the D-List express, and once you’re on the train to Celebrity No Man’s Land, it’s hard to hop off. Normally when stars screw up they seek redemption in Oprah Winfrey’s arms, but a source tells PopEater she’s basically banned the singer from her show. “Oprah is the smartest person on TV and will not let John use her or her show to ask for forgiveness. If John really wants to apologize for his racist and sexist comments, he should find somewhere else. The only way Oprah, who is a dear friend of Jennifer Aniston, would ever book him is if John were interested in having a much deeper conversation about race, women and fame.”
As for our biggest dream, of John Mayer vanishing into obscurity, well…we hope he pays it forward and makes it come true. Fingers crossed! [Photo: GettyImages]
John Mayer gave an apology on both Twitter and on stage for dropping the N-bomb in his Playboy interview, but GLAAD would like to see another of the singer’s other poor word choices be acknowledged as well. Along with describing his white supremacist genitalia and Jessica Simpson’s “sexual napalm,” Mayer let a bad word slide when he recalled a tongue bath he once gave to Perez Hilton. “It was New Year’s Eve and I decided to go out and destroy myself…I remember seeing Perez Hilton flitting about this club and acting as though he had just invented homosexuality. All of a sudden I thought, I can outgay this guy right now. I grabbed him and gave him the dirtiest, tongue-iest kiss I have ever put on anybody—almost as if I hated f–s…I don’t think my mouth was even touching when I was tongue kissing him, that’s how disgusting this kiss was. I’m a little ashamed.” Just a little?
GLAAD responded to his anecdote on their blog. “Just as Mayer indicated in his apology, that he meant no offense in his use of the racist slur, we hope the intent behind his use of the F-word was not malicious. As a public figure with millions of fans, Mayer should be more cognizant of the impact his casual use of both slurs can have…As a talented musician who has made comments supportive of the LGBT community in the past, we expect more from John Mayer and ask that he apologize.” John hasn’t tweeted since Wednesday’s mea culpas…will he come back to acknowledge everyone else he pissed off?
John Mayer’s Playboy interview - in which he dropped the n-word a bunch and went TMI overboard about sex with Jessica Simpson - has come back to bite him in the ass in a major way. We read the entire thing in bed this morning, and while it puts some of his charming quotes in context, they don’t make him any more likable. In fact, they only serve to highlight his extreme narcissism and egomania in a brighter, more blinding light. After plowing through his painful attempt to be witty, we were left with but one lasting thought: man, John Mayer is an insecure dick.
The good news: he has possibly realized he’s a dick, too! John apologized for the interview at his concert last night, and appeared to get choked up while addressing his “quest to be clever.” He also, in true Mayer form, rambled on Twitter about his mistakes. Still, his regret is too little, too late, and probably only stems out of every celebrity’s deep-rooted desire to be liked, by everyone. And we’re guessing there are a few people out there today - including his exes - who don’t. Maybe now would be a good time for John to think before he speaks, and then maybe not speak at all? After all, it would give him more time to masturbate - his purported favorite activity.
Check out John with his various former flames and f*ck buddies in our gallery below.
John Mayer is possibly maybe hooking up with Taylor Swift these days, but that doesn’t stop him from talking about all his former conquests. Seriously, no one in the history of time dwells on their exes this much except for this guy. In the March issue of Playboy (but of course), Mayer opens up about ex-girlfriend Jessica Simpson , saying “Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say.” Only, guess what. That’s not all he said!
Mayer said that sex with Simpson was like a drug ”And drugs aren’t good for you if you do lots of them.” Then the real diarrhea of the mouth started. “Yeah, that girl is like crack cocaine to me. It was like napalm, sexual napalm. Did you ever say, ‘I want to quit my life and just f*ckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my sh*t just to keep f*cking you.’” Um, what? Is it any wonder that Taylor Swift’s mother wants to keep this dirty old man away from her daughter?
In case that quote wasn’t delightful enough, he also said that since breaking up with Simpson he hasn’t spread his love around as much as we’d think. Asked how many women he’s bedded (because why not share that info with the world?) he replied ”I’m going to say four or five. No more. But even if I said 12, that’s a reasonable number.[Is it?] So is 15. Here’s the thing: I get less ass now than I did when I was in a local band. Because now I don’t like jumping through hoops.” So listen up, local bands, it might seem like a dream to date an actress, but in reality, Jennifer Aniston’s vagina will make you jump through hoops just to enter, so revel in that ass you’re getting now.
Even if some girls think John Mayer’s sex-obsessed interviews are a hoot, you can bet their moms don’t. Case in point is Taylor Swift’s mother Andrea, who supposedly laid into the horndog after he took her 20-year-old daughter to Keith Urban’s Crossroads taping last month. “Andrea pulled John aside and told him point blank to back off,” a source told The Enquirer. “She said a friendship was fine, but there was no way he’d get close enough to Taylor to break her heart if she had anything to say about it…She’s all for music collaborations, but she couldn’t get past his baggage.” Baggage? What, his crack that Tiger Woods should have stayed single? His ruminations about what ex Jennifer Aniston and a stripper named Dimples must have in common? Telling the New York Times he should “have sex with more women?” The Jessica Simpson anal sex rumors? Stop us when we’re getting close, Ms. Swift.
Surprisingly, Mayer didn’t just flick his tongue and hop back on his Twitter. Says the source, “all John could do was to offer Andrea a compliment on raising a lovely daughter. He said he understood completely, and it was an honor enough to call Taylor his friend.” Oh jeez, if this story is true Taylor must be sooooo embarrassed right now.
John Mayer knows about sex - after all he can’t play his guitar with having multiple orgasms (in the face, at least), and he’s scored with a lot of hot ladies - Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston - and broken some hearts along the way. Thus we think his real talent lies not in guitar playing (though yeah, he’s good) but in offering up advice on all things fornication. John got particularly blabby about the subject in a recent interview with The Independent, rambling about Tiger Woods‘ marriage, dirty text messages, and wearing his future wife’s ass on his head like a hat. No, really.
“Tiger Woods’ problems come from him being married. The end. It has nothing to do with control. If Tiger Woods was a single guy, what sort of angle would there be to a text message? If Tiger Woods was single, and he texted a girl and said ‘I wanna wear your ass like a hat’, why would that ever hit the news? I can text whatever I want to anybody in the world; I’m not married. I write a lot of dirty text messages to girls, and you’ve never seen any of them. Why? Because if a girl brought a dirty text message from me to the newspapers, they’d say ‘I don’t have an angle here. Someone wants to wear your ass like a hat? Big deal. He’s 32 years old. He’s a single guy. If John Mayer has a wife and sends dirty texts, then we got a story.’ And that’s why I won’t do that. When I get married that’s gonna be my vows, ‘Do you, John Mayer, take this woman to have and to hold, to wear her ass like headgear?’ Yes, I do – you’re the one whose ass I wanna wear like a hat for the rest of my life.”
Se what we’re talking about? Mayer’s verbal diarrhea is more epic than his guitar solos. And now we finally know why he dumped Jennifer - he just didn’t want to wear her ass like headgear for the rest of his life. What a shame - it’s so toned! [Photo: GettyImages]
