Quinnipiac University is putting the “loco” in in loco parentis. Following news of David Letterman’s affairs with Late Show staffmembers, the school has announced they are reconsidering letting their nubile young students anywhere near the talk show host. “Due to recent circumstances we will have a discussion with those in charge of placing our interns at the David Letterman show in the future. We will diligently oversee this internship program to ensure that our interns are out of harm’s way.”

Wait a second…”out of harm’s way?” Is he putting drugs in his desk mints now? Letterman’s actions were undeniably skeevy in that Mad Men boss-employee way, but—to the best of our knowledge—he didn’t break Megan’s Law. Is this a nutty coda to the late night drama or a sign of craziness to come? Between blackmailer Robert J. Haldeman still professing his innocence and rumors of Letterman taking assistant/lover Stephanie Birkitt on family vacations, it’s starting to sound like the latter.

[Photo: Getty Images]

We stayed up past our bedtime last night (we go to bed at 7pm, so it was rough) to watch David Letterman disclose details about the extortion plot against him, masterminded by a former CBS producer, Robert J. Halderman. Apparently the guy demanded $2 million from Dave, after threatening to write a screenplay and a book about how he nailed numerous female staffers. Awkward! Dave and his attorney took it to the cops, the guy was busted with a fake check and the whole thing made for one of the most compelling moments on television since Jessie Spano had a Pointer Sisters-fueled meltdown on “Saved By The Bell.”

Now that the criminal’s been busted, we imagine it’ll be Dave’s turn to do some explaining - to his wife Regina Lasko, with whom he has a five-year-old son. We have a feeling she’s not gonna find the whole quite as funny as Dave’s audience did last night.

According to DListed, the woman Dave allegedly slept with is his former assistant, Stephanie Birkitt, who apparently lived with Halderman at one point. If you’re a longtime Letterman fan, you’ll recognize her as the woman Dave used to call on the phone from his desk. She also covered the 2002 and 2006 Olympics for the show, and once called the comedian “the greatest boss I could ever have.” Cue dry heaves!

Here’s Stephanie appearing on the show in 2002 (more can be found over at the Huffington Post). Watch as Dave calls off the planned bit and instead flirts with her for 8 minutes. Enjoy!