Scorpio (October 24 – November 22) — I wish I could get excited about 2009′s potential benefits for you Scorpios, but ummmmm you guys are so into the “I’m sexy AND mysterious” overall self package, that I realized I don’t know a single thing about any of you personally. Wait, how’s this? How about all of you Scorpions tell me where you live and who you are related to for me to fully see the effect of Jupiter, the planet of fortune and opportunity entering your house of home and family for 2009!!! On second thought, I just realized I actually liked staying alive, so we’ll keep everything nice and mysterious and just leave the news as is. Watching “Our House” by Madness should also smooth things over. What’s the problem now? Put the stinger down! Not “our” house, I still don’t know where that is, remember? Your house Scorpio, all yours! It’s just the title, jeez!