Katy Perry’s Terrible “Hot And Cold” Song Has Become Her Reality

Always a great sign for an engaged couple, sources say that Russell Brand and Katy Perry are pretty much always in the process of breaking up. Supposedly, “‘They fight and make-up constantly,’ says a friend of Perry, who observes that the couple have behaved this way since the beginning of their relationship.” But…but if a former sex addict and a beautiful android woman can’t make it work, then who can, we ask? WHO CAN?!?!

According to the NY Daily News, “Katy suspected [Russell] of cheating and it wasn’t the first time.”Apparently the pair got into it right before the VMAs, leading them to arrive at the event and sit separately – relationship doom in La La Land – with poor Russell stuck sitting next to his Get Him To the Creek co-star Jonah Hill. We swear to god, if Jonah Hill breaks up one more long-term relationship, so help us…

Despite the fact that Russell (currently shooting Arthur in NYC) is only dating Katy because she is gorgeous, and Katy is only dating Russell because her robot brain is programmed to imitate human love, we had thought they were a pretty happy couple until we heard this devastating news. But we guess love can’t always be pancake make-up-covered kisses and rubbing your skinny jeans together until they start a wildly out-of-control pants fire. Our sympathies definitely fall with Katy on this one, though. It can’t be easy for her, always cleaning football-sized wads of chest hair out of the bathtub drain, having to hide her drag queen-sized supply of eyeliner from Russell so he won’t use it all in one evening! And then to have to compete with Jonah Hill! We wouldn’t wish that fate on any human woman.

Whether it requires having Russell neutered (suggested solution), or having Katy’s boobs replaced with actual cupcakes (may have already happened), we hope these two can work it out. If not…Jonah, now is the time to strike!

[Photo: GettyImages]

– Halle Kiefer