“American Idol” Presents Rolling Stones Week, And It Didn’t Suck

Overall, the contestants on American Idol – even the ones we don’t think deserve to be there – did pretty well last night. At least vocally; some of the arrangements were just plain wrong (Tim Urban singin’ de reggae, mon), but there were no real cringe-worthy moments aside from that one. Most surprisingly, the judges weren’t critical of song choices at all, and there wasn’t a single performance that they trashed (well okay, again, Tim’s was universally panned but they applauded his risk-taking). Seems like the gap between a lot of performers narrowed this week and we actually enjoyed this episode. Thank you, Rolling Stones, for inspiring some decent music last night.

The thing we liked best about Michael Lynche’s performance was the glimpse we got of his tiny widdle baby in his pre-recorded package piece. “Miss You” is one of our favorite Rolling Stones songs and Mike’s dancing and delivery of the chorus made the song too punchy for us. Simon Cowell agreed, although he said it was “a tiny bit desperate,” which we don’t think was the case, it was just a little too pop, and not enough dirty, sweaty, Mick Jagger-y rock.

Didi Benami sang an Ingrid Michaelson song for one of her early performances this season, and that’s the only thing we can hear when she sings now. That quiet, chirpy voice seems not-quite-powerful enough for the Rolling Stones, but Didi surprised us with a pretty capable version of “Play With Fire.” She’ll never be able to hit the Siobhan Magnus high notes or have the rasp that Crystal Bowersox has, but she was pleasant and sweet and that will at least carry her through for a few weeks. Kara DioGuardi, who loves her walking metaphors, said Didi went two steps in the right direction. P.S., “two steps forward” only reminds us of Paula, KD. And how much we prefer her to you.

Casey James was surprised when the judges told him his voice lacked grit a few weeks ago, but he brought it this week when he sang “It’s All Over Now.” We still didn’t love it, and it’s hard to take a man with that much curl-retaining product in his hair seriously, but he brought some country and blues to the stage. Simon’s final words to Casey were “Just be a star” which is like when someone tells a comedian “Hey, be funny.” There’s nothing more infuriating or less helpful. Kara was noticeably fidgeting with her wedding ring when Ellen DeGeneres told Casey, “Women will love you,” after which Kara told him, “It was your best performance since we met.” And then she opened the fortune cookie in her brain and said to herself “….in bed.”

We feel like the judges were overly kind to Lacey Brown in their criticism. Lacey, like Didi, has a limited range and just isn’t capable of blowing us away, no matter what she sings. Her “Ruby Tuesday” was cutesy and we wondered why she decided to sit down right in the middle of the chorus. Ellen wondered too, saying, “It was weird that in the slowest part of the song you were standing and moving around, and then when it picked up, you sat down.”

If Kara tells one more person they aren’t properly feeling the lyrics to any given song, we’re going to fly to L.A. and smack her. After Andrew Garcia sang “Gimme Shelter,” a song with the word “war” in it, she told him he wasn’t properly feeling it. Simon responded, “What, you want him to come onstage with a tank or something?” Thanks, Simon, for expressing what we feel less violently than we would have. Andrew’s performance was much improved and, like Simon, we hope he survives another week.

Katie Stevens barely knows who the Rolling Stones are, but she sang “Wild Horses” really well, probably because she appeased Kara’s need for literal interpretation by finally feeling the lyrics. Katie explained before her performance that she understood the song because wild horses couldn’t drag her away from this competition. Does that make you happy, Kara??

Eh, mon! What’s da deal wit de white boy wit de hair, Tim Urban? He sang a bizarre reggae version of the song “Under My Thumb” and, swear to God (or Jah), if he doesn’t get booted this week we will boycott. Simon said, “A lot of people who are Rolling Stones fans would be turning their televisions off,” and Ellen told him, “I felt like I was as a resort drinking a piña colada.” We pity the vacation-goer who has to listen to that while relaxing on the beach.

There were indeed shades of Adam Lambert in Siobhan Magnus’ performance of “Paint It Black.” That girl loves her high notes, which is something Simon said people would either love or hate. Randy Jackson told her she was “Bringing the drama to American Idol Season 9.” As fellow Massholes, we’re rooting for her and thought she was definitely one of the most creative and interesting performers of the night, but we weren’t always fans of La Lambert’s high notes so we think she’d do well to abide by Simon’s advice and tone it down every so often, too.

Lee Dewyze sang “Beast of Burden,” a song that wouldn’t have been acceptable during the 8 o’clock hour (think of the innocent children watching!). So much making love and being hard enough and filth of that ilk! We liked his voice, but it was a wee bit too Dave Matthews for our liking. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just that we already got five months of Kris Allen’s jimmy legs and mellow vibe last year, so we wish Lee would rock out a little harder. Simon told him his personality is the only thing holding him back and he needs to have “a moment” next week in order to propel himself to the next level. So many “moments” and “levels,” could this show be any more abstract?

Aaron Kelly’s version of “Angie” wasn’t as much of a chore to listen to as we thought it might be and the song suited his voice. The judges even called his performance one of the best of the night – we still don’t see the appeal, but he didn’t stink. How’s that for a compliment?

Paige Miles, like Aaron, is one of the people we don’t understand the appeal of, but considering she performed with laryngitis and we couldn’t even tell, we do give her some credit for singing with little voice to spare. She sang “Honky Tonk Women” and the judges told her she hasn’t quite connected with the audience, but she did have a nice stage presence. Again, just not our thing.

The award for most emotional video package goes to Crystal Bowersox, whose dad started to cry when he was describing a song she wrote about him with the refrain “Daddy, I love you.” We’ve seen plenty of crying this season, but not typically from Sam Elliot-looking, rugged ponytail cowboys. Papa Bowersox aside, Crystal gave one of the night’s best performances and Kara told her that “she’s started to look like she thinks she’s got this” which we’ve never gotten from Crystal, and she even responded when Simon brought it up again, by zinging the judges a little, saying, “I haven’t thought that I’ve got this competition at all, but thank YOU for saying it.”

We’re so used to having several people get kicked off every week, it’s going to be a hard (and s…l…o…w) transition seeing just one person leave now. Our gut says Tim. Do we want to start throwing out our predictions? [Photo: Getty Images]