Group Night: There Is No Sweet Escape

Group night on American Idol. There should be a DSM entry for the type of mental instability that overcomes these young singers when they’re forced to break off into groups and perform together. Since their crying fits and Lady Gaga-based anxiety don’t have an official name, we’ll call it temporary insani-Glee. It seemed like hardly anyone got kicked off though (only 25 out of 96 were let go), which means we’re going to have to deal with all these people for yet another week. Sigh.

The Powers That Be
Mary Powers, who we were on the fence about on Tuesday, definitely pushed us over to the “not so much” side last night. The rock chick was overbearing and bossy with her group “The Dreamers” but – isn’t it always the way? – she managed to sneak by even though the group’s version of Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams” was a nightmare. Ohhh, we see what they did there. The Dreamers…Dreams…ok, we’re deducting even more points from this whole group for a lack of originality. Even though Mary and Hope Johnson made it through, Kara DioGuardi felt like “The dream died on that stage” after their performance. We give these girls two weeks, tops.

Father’s Day
Michael “Big Mike” Lynche’s wife was still in labor last night, so he iPhone-talked her through delivery until she pooped out Baby Big Mike, who was a girl with a full head of hair which is just adorable. Mike and his group, Team Awesome sang “Get Ready” and he and Tim Urban ended up being safe, but Seth Rollins, the father of an autistic boy, got the boot. Since we know Big Mike has to leave the competition after the round of 24, we bet Rollins is mad he’s the dad that had to go so soon.

Wild Thing
Destiny’s Wild. First of all, worst group name ever, and second of all, att-it-tuuuude, right? They hogged the rehearsal room, they were mad that someone else sang “Bad Romance” (even though about six groups sang “Sweet Escape” so clearly there were no rules when it came to song choice) and like, extra-super mad that the other group decided to sing it a capella. What they should have been mad about was the fact that the other group, Neapolitan, sang it better. Simon Cowell even told Neapolitan that he really liked them, whereas Destiny’s Wild garnered a Cirque du Soleil comparison. And P.S. Todrick Hall, there’s a time and a place for backflips, don’t say we didn’t warn you. Still, both groups made it through intact somehow.

Cutters
More familiar faces got cut last night, including Matt Lawrence, the big guy who was sent to the big house for four years and saw Idol as his transition back into society. That one was sad since his original audition was great, but we were psyched that Moorea Masa, who made it to Hollywood in Season 8, was cut. Just because you practiced in that same familiar janitor’s closet last year doesn’t mean you know all the secrets to winning Idol, Moorea. Also, a janitor’s closet is the only place “Carry On My Wayward Son” belongs, so her group would have done well to leave it there.
So we still have 71 contestants to narrow down. Kara told 16-year-old Katie Stevens that she could be the next American Idol after she sang “No One” with her group, which included our other favorite guy, Andrew Garcia, so we’re confident about their chances, but we’re still reserving judgment on anyone else.

What else, what else?

• We still dig Ellen DeGeneres’ presence, she’s certainly not Paula-level crazy (which probably does have an entry in the DSM), but she’s refreshingly honest and almost makes us forget Kara is there sometimes. Almost.

• Can we see more action from the “tell it like it is” voice coach and “I will not be bossed by a girl wearing Manic Panic” accompanist? Because they were pretty entertaining.

• Contestant Maddie Penrose has different colored hipster glasses for every day of the week. We are already exhausted by her.

• That was a lot of mascara/carbon copy ink all over Amanda Schectman‘s face after she got the boot. Seriously, was she trying to heal a facial wound with gunpowder?