9 Celebrity Losers To Leave Behind In ’09

In 2009, a lot of ordinary people became famous for next-to-nothing, previously A-list stars fell from grace, and quasi-celebs made outlandish statements for publicity. From the Balloon Boy stunt to Glenn Beck‘s fear-mongering to Tiger Woods‘ mistresses coming out of the woodwork; some people really tested our patience and wore us thin. Here are the top nine “celebrity” losers we hope go into hiding for 2010.

9. Balloon Boy’s Dad: Think little Falcon Henne had any idea about his fame-guzzlin’ father’s publicity plot while he was chillin’ in a box in their attic? We doubt it, and the little guy’s televised bodily functions pretty well summed up how we felt about the whole stunt after we wasted hours of our lives watching an empty weather balloon float above Colorado.

8. Carrie Prejean: The dethroned Miss USA contestant first ignited a media firestorm with her statement against marriage equality during the Miss USA pageant. Her controversial proclamation was just the tip of the iceberg, as a flurry of nude photos and sex tapes followed over the next several months, as well as an exceptionally awkward appearance on “Larry King Live.”

Seven more losers after the jump.

7. Michael Lohan: Not new to the business of exploiting his daughter’s fame and subsequent troubles, 2009 took Lindsay Lohan‘s loud-mouthed father to a new low. Perhaps to maintain his classy lifestyle – er, hang out with Jon Gosselin in the Hamptons – he released emotional voicemails from Lindsay and outed her alleged prescription drug addiction. Now with restraining orders enforced by both daughters Lindsay and Ali, hopefully Lohan keeps a much lower profile in 2010.

6. Tiger’s Mistresses: While we’re in no way condoning Tiger’s thoughtless cheating streak, we must say it’s pretty shameless the way his mistresses are publicizing their sexual relations with the pro golfer for a lousy 15 minutes in the spotlight. We can only imagine how his kids will feel looking back on the now heavily-documented marital troubles of their parents.

5. Nadya “Octomom” Suleman: We keep praying rumors of a reality show with Jon Gosselin aren’t true. Captivating trainwreck or not, a reality show starring those two fame-mongers would undoubtedly squash all hopes for their many, many kids to have normal, healthy childhoods. Another Octo-kooky moment of 2009? She told NBC’s Ann Curry that she did not have cosmetic surgery to look like a much more famous baby lovin’ mama, Angelina Jolie. We’re hoping her 2010 resolutions include removing herself from the media spotlight to take care of her 14 offspring and tidying her pigsty.

4. Glenn Beck: The right-wing radio show host made it his mission in 2009 to spread fear and ignorant theories. He screamed at a caller about healthcare, continuously disrespected the President, and linked volunteerism to communism. Let’s hear it for fact-based discussion and positivity in the new year!

3. Speidi: Where do we begin? 2009 was just another year in the publicity machine infamously known as Speidi. They got married, choreographed countless photo shoots, wrote a how-to book, belittled Al Roker, gave us TMI, threw tantrums in a jungle, and threatened the world with reproduction. While some may call their attention-grabbing tactics genius, we find them nothing more than cringe-inducing.

2. Chris Brown: There isn’t much to say about this one. He beat up Rihanna. Then, dug his hole deeper with repeated less-than-sincere apologies and Twitter rants. Go away, “Forever.”

1. Jon “Jo-Go” Gosselin: A loser inside-and-out. On the exterior, we have bad plugs, diamond studs, Ed Hardy t-shirts, and a cigarette in his mouth. In an apparent attempt to re-live his early-20s that he lost via fatherhood, he spent 2009 wooing a younger woman, partying with fellow loser Michael Lohan, and exploiting his brood (further) with candid paparazzi shoots in the family’s front yard; all of which earned him a divorce and an empty bank account. To publicly apologize for his missteps, he sought help from Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Apology not accepted.

Did we miss anyone? Who do you hope to less of in 2010? [Photos: Getty Images]