Dear world,
This is a formal plea to the the citizens of this earth, that we unite as one to stop the destruction of Ali Lohan‘s youth. Once again, the 15-year-old has been taken under her sister Lindsay‘s emaciated wing, and is out and about on the Champs Elysees in giant heels and a lacy dress only a hooker could love. Lindsay may be working for Ungaro, but she’s clearly letting her little sis shop at Frederick’s of Hollywood, and that ain’t right.
We’re not saying Ali shouldn’t be allowed to live it up in her teenage years. We remember gettin’ crazy at 15 in our friend Annie’s basement with a little help from a bottle of Boones and a Cracker CD. But there’s a difference between acting like every other angsty suburban kid in America and tagging along with your addiction-prone sister at a black tie dinner full of foreign, fifty-year-old gajillionaires. It’s not just weird, it’s flat out wrong.
Someone get this girl a pair of Chuck Taylor’s and hoodie, stat, and we’ll kidnap her in our mom’s ’96 Taurus and take her to hang out at the mall. If Ali doesn’t get a dose of normal soon, she’ll be banished to a life of booze-detecting ankle bracelets and Restylane injections – and we’ve all seen how well that’s worked out for her big sis.
Sincerely,
TheFABlife
PS – Samantha Ronson, you seem normal and level-headed. Do something! [Photo: Splash News Online]
Comments
5 Responses to “Save Ali Lohan!”
This is kinda sad about Ali b/c I do think she should be at the mall rather than drinking it up w/ some creepy old dudes but this letter is fn hilarious!
the lohan family is a hot mess, they have no positive role models/ influences in their life , mom or dad??? forget it, big sis lindsay??? who knows maybe the next generation of lohans may do much better (thats if there is a next generation of them)
I think the some of the celebrities of today are going to the dogs. I don’t think they care about the positive power and influence they have on America. People like the Britney Spears and the Lindsey Lohans and the like, we as a people allow this to happen. There’s no real accountability. For example the parent of Ali Lohan should be investigated by Child Protection Services thoroughly, because clearly something is terribly wrong in that camp. The parents of the Lohan girls are to blame. They care more for their own indulgences.
Oh no.
This is just ridiculous!
Seriously get the child away from her crazy sista. SERIOUSLY. Just wrnng.