Idol Recap: Lil Rounds On The Chopping Block?

So obviously Lil Rounds will get eliminated this week, that’s just common sense. The judges have it out for the poor woman. But after we so boldly proclaimed last week that Matt Giraud, despite his Judges’ Save, would get the boot this week, we’re not so sure anymore. Even though the judges were tepid about his metaphorical “Stayin’ Alive” performance, we liked it more than a lot of the other songs. At this stage of the game, we’re think Anoop Desai and his Pepto-pink vest will join Lil on the elimination stools tomorrow.

5. Pool of Abdul

“Looking at Paula’s face during that song, you were melting her into a pool of Abdul,” Ryan Seacrest told Adam Lambert after Adam’s gentle version of “If I Can’t Have You,” thus coining our new favorite phrase/band name. Hello Cleveland! We are Pool of Abdul! For a second we thought we’d finally fully enjoy an Adam performance but damn him and his high notes, we went right back to hating when he started to howl at the disco-ball-moon.

4. Blandy Gokey

Sorry to be totally negative (It’s probably the residual effects of having the a capella version of “Don’t Stop Believin’” sung by the cast of Glee during every commercial break last night) but we have another complaint. Danny Gokey is giving us nothing to love anymore. He’s a great singer in that blue-eyed-soul, Michael McDonald and Daryl Hall category (Yacht Rock: Redux?) but we can’t muster up any type of give-a-shit-ability. He turned Earth, Wind and Fire’s “September” into…a really good version of “September” – excellent pitch and arrangement – but aside from changing his glasses, what new and interesting things does he bring each week? He’s great, yes, but we’re getting bored. Also not sure who the posse of sexy women in maxi-dresses was that they kept cutting to after his performance (contenders for the upcoming “Let’s Find Danny Gokey A Wife!” reality show?). We hope so!

3. Donna Summer: Why Was She Not This Week’s Mentor?

Apparently Donna Summer is responsible for almost half of all disco music because last night we were treated to three of her songs in various arrangements. (Where was the love for Alicia Bridges’ “I Love the Nightlife “??) We got the geetar-playing-John-Mayer-esque performance of Kris Allen, the rocking-out “Hot Stuff” by Allison Iraheta, and the wicked bland “Dim All the Lights” that we had to endure from Anoop (definitely one of the night’s worst). It was all Donna, all the time. We loved Paula’s comment for Kris after he sang “She Works Hard For the Money” when she said “Not many men will shop in the women’s department,” which is true when it comes to song covers (and we’ve mentioned how much we hate when the sex is reversed in songs but it would have been hilarious if Kris sang “He works hard for the money”.) However, Kris and Anoop both ended up shopping in the ladies’ department (insert Anoop’s pink vest reference here!) in the end.

2. The Beard Awards

What’s up with the increasingly bad facial hair? Danny is taking his George Michael in 1988 stubble to new heights and Anoop is just freaking us out with his ever-evolving Kanye meets Steff from Pretty in Pink vibe, but this week he too had some new growth (and new eyebrows?) we couldn’t understand.

1. Poor Lil

Psst – Lil. Yeah, you, Lil Rounds. We just want to say sorry. Not because we did anything to you, but because right about now, we feel for you. It seems like the judges have no idea who they want you to be as an artist (“Be Mary J. Blige! But less Mary and more Lil. But not too much Lil. But not so little that you’re just covering Mary. Be like Lil, plus Mary plus Tina Turner but like, be like Tina minus the Ike history and the Mary J. without the MAC contract, more accessible, right? But also, maybe be Joanna Pacitti, ‘cause we miss that bitch.”). Of course they keep telling you that YOU don’t know who you are as an artist but now, the more they say that, the more everyone gets confused and we’re pretty sure it’s a ploy to make America not vote for you.

Final Thoughts:

Paula to Kris: “That had a classy Santana feel!”

Was Paula crying during Adam’s performance? We can’t tell, and Ryan’s “pool of Abdul” comment doesn’t necessarily refer to her tears…