Madonna’s Marriage Contract With Guy: Scheduled Sex And Kaballah Lessons

We are so confused about the daily twists and turns in the Guy and Madonna saga, we don’t know who’s the baddy or the goody anymore (hey, we like to have easily identifiable characters in a divorce. Paul McCartney = good, Heather Mills = bad. Christie Brinkley = good. That older bloke who shagged a teenager = bad!). But suffice to say, as more and more stories are deliberately leaked to the press are dug up by Britain’s unscrupulous tabloid papers, it sounds like that marriage was a very miserable place to be.

Witness the latest salvo dished out about Madonna’s control-freakery: a marriage contract specifying amongst others, how often they should do it and what exciting exploits they should get up to on evenings together. …

“It stated that Guy had to ‘work to enrich his wife’s emotional and spiritual wellbeing’ and ordered him to devote several hours a week to reading Kabbalah texts with Madge. It even had instructions on what words Guy should use during rows ‘to resolve conflicts in a constructive way.’ Guy, 40, was instructed never to shout at Madge, 50, but instead look her in the eye and say: ‘I understand that my actions have upset you, please work with me to resolve this.’ The marriage rules said both parties must … ‘not use sex as a stick to beat one another,’” according to The Sun.

Our favorite bit is when they claim Madonna says, ‘Contract, Guy, contract’ whenever he naughtily broke any of the rules. Love it. We can’t wait till this saying hits the streets. …